A Few Years Later
by MarianaReads
Summary: It's Cather's senior year of college, and her relationship with Levi has never been stronger or happier. But when Cath is admitted into a graduate program 1,200 miles away from Nebraska, she can feel the rift open between her and Levi. *Takes place three years after Fangirl. Mature rating for future content.
1. Chapter 1

Cather glanced up and noticed Levi, leaning against their kitchen counter, his long fingers drumming against the peeling countertop. She narrowed her eyes at him and pushed her hair of her face. Levi offered a faint smile and nodded his chin towards the small stack of envelopes on the center of their kitchen table. An excruciatingly familiar collegiate logo stared up at Cath and she practically dove across the room in attempt to snatch it up. Levi snorted.

Cath stared down at the envelope and felt her heart begin slamming against her ribcage. _Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't. Panic, _she commanded herself and repeated the words as if they were an old and trusted mantra. Cath spared a glance toward Levi, hoping for some sort of reassurance. Their eyes connected and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. It wasn't a full blown Levi smile but Cather would take it. He winked at her and Cath nodded. She was only delaying the inevitable.

Turning the envelope over in her hands, Cather willed herself to stop trembling. And, before she could talk herself out of it, she ripped the parcel apart and opened the folded contents. Her eyes quickly darted over the introductory letter and she exhaled loudly. Cath could feel the heat rising in her cheeks.

"Baby?"

Levi took a cautious step towards her. Cath glanced up at him and noticed, distantly, that her glasses had begun to fog over due to the tears collecting in her eyes. His face fell and he walked confidently toward her. Levi reached his long arm out to close the kitchen door behind her and wrapped the other around Cath's shoulders. She had forgotten to close the door when she came in and vaguely noticed the thin layer of snow that had drifted in behind her.

Levi wrapped his other arm around her and pulled her flush against him, peppering her snow soaked hair with kisses.

"It'll be okay," he said, his voice muffled by her thick hair. "There are other programs out there. And besides, screw 'em." Levi leaned back and smiled sadly down at Cath. "If they don't want you, how great can they be?"

Cath let out a startled laugh and pushed herself out of Levi's embrace. "No, Levi- I…" Cath's voice dropped to just above a whisper. "I got in. I got _in._"

Levi blinked down at her in surprise and grabbed the now crumpled acceptance letter out of her hands. He stared down at the letter before letting out a loud yell and wrapped her up once more in his arms. Cath let out a started laugh and returned her boyfriend's embrace, gasping for air as he simultaneously pushed the tears out of her eyes and the air out of her lungs. Levi gently set her down and cupped her face in his hands.

"I love you, Cather. I am so proud of you. You're so smart, babe, and I _love _you," he exclaimed and pressed a quick kiss to her mouth. Cath beamed up at him.

"I think you're more excited about this than I am," she said.

Levi grinned at her but shook his head. "No. I'm just so fucking proud of you. Watching you stress out over the applications and God, just _waiting _for the damned letters. It was all worth it, baby." Levi bent down and kissed her once more. He rested his forehead against hers and ran his thumbs over her cheeks.

"Just think – this time next year? I'll be in New York… at _Sarah Lawrence_," Cath said. At the mention of New York, Levi's eyes flew open and he stared at Cath, frowning slightly. He stepped back from her, dropping his hands from her face, and turned his back to her. Cath bit her lower lip and watched as Levi ran his hands through his hair.

"Hey, Levi – I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned New York. I know it upsets you."

Levi reached the counter and turned towards Cath, resuming his previous stance. He leaned back easily, shrugging his shoulders. Cath took a step towards him, suddenly unsure of herself, and frowned.

"Don't look like that, Cather. That's a conversation for another day," Levi said. His voice was light and airy and Cath wondered how difficult it was for him to sound so nonchalant.

"I don't really understand why it has to be a conversation," she replied. Levi raised an eyebrow. "The MFA program should only take two years to complete and I'll be home on breaks. Easy peasey and I'll be back before you know it."

"I… don't think that 1,200 miles can be considered 'easy peasey,' Cath. That's a twenty hour drive. 730 days. That's a really long time," Levi said softly. He dropped his gaze to his hands and began picking at a callous on his palm. Cath narrowed her eyes at him.

"Like, I said – school breaks. Holidays? Ever heard of them? And technology is amazing these days, I hear. There's this new thing called Skype and besides, couples do the long distance thing all the tim-"

"Cather, can we _please_ not talk about this right now?" Levi looked at her once again, his eyes pleading. Cath started at how hurt and… _resigned _her boyfriend looked at that moment. She nodded and closed the distance between them, sliding her arms around his waist and resting her head against his chest. Cath listened to Levi's heart beating wildly and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the nagging thought that, in Levi's mind, their relationship had just been dealt a death sentence.

Levi slid his arms around her shoulders once more and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He sighed into her hair before saying, "Hey, this is a good thing, remember? Let's go out to celebrate."

Levi kissed Cath softly against her temple and worked his way out of her grip. He winked at her once more before stepping out of the kitchen and Cath heard him bounding up the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

Cather watched Reagan's reaction in the mirror that sat behind the bar.

"Do you honestly think that Levi is going to break up with you? He's stupid in love with you and he thinks that the sun shines out of your ass," Reagan said. She picked up her shot glass and threw the amber liquid back, swallowing the liquor without the slightest wince. Cath frowned.

"It was weird though. He went from happy to... not happy almost instantly and I can't shake the feeling that something's going on." Cath removed her gaze from Reagan's reflection and glanced over her shoulder, searching the small crowd for her boyfriend. Levi wasn't hard to find - he was currently bent over, deep in conversation with a short girl who Cath definitely did not know. He laughed loudly at something she said and Cath felt her stomach sink. Reagan followed her gaze and sighed, grabbing Cath's arm and shaking her.

"Snap out of it, spaz. You're going to drive yourself insane if you freak out every time he laughs at something that another girl says. Like I said, he thinks the sun shines out of your ass. And besides, the fell in love with you after learning about the freaking Simon Snow shit. If that's not love, I don't know what is."

Cath sighed and turned her attention back to the bar. Reagan was right - Levi did love her. And if she were truly honest with herself, she knew that he had been her biggest champion during the horrifying process of choosing post graduate programs and applying. He knew, almost as much as Cath did, what would come with the territory if she was accepted into any of her top choice programs. Cath pushed her glasses up to the top of her head and ran her hands over her face, sighing loudly. Reagan frowned.

"You know, it's a damn good thing that you don't wear make up. But seriously, this conversation is killing my buzz. Can we have another shot and move on? I didn't sacrifice a weekend off to play marriage counselor. I want to have fun. Corporate America is depressing me." Reagan leaned over the bar, lifting her hand up to signal the bartender. Cath pushed herself up off of her bar stool and slung her bag over her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Reagan. I think I'm just going to head home. I'm not feeling it and I would hate to depress you even further. Just make sure that Levi gets home okay and..." Cath glanced over at her boyfriend, who was still chatting with the petite blonde. Levi looked up and met Cath's gaze, a smile stretching across his face. He lifted his hand to indicate that he'd be over in a moment and turned his attention back to the girl. Cath turned back to Reagan, who raised her eyebrow. "Anyway - good night, okay? Have fun. Make good choices. And yeah." Cath turned and made her way towards the exit.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, where'd Cather go? She was just here," Levi asked, leaning against the bar. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced around the crowd. Reagan rolled her eyes.

"Really, Levi? You're either choosing to be blissfully unaware or you don't know your girlfriend as well as I thought you did." Reagan let out a frustrated sigh and pushed herself from the bar, turning to disappear into the mixture of underage freshman and upperclassmen. She would be God damned if she spent the entire night refereeing Levi and Cather's latest drama; she had enough of that shit while she was in school. Just as she spotted a guy from a previous ceramics class, she felt Levi's freakishly long fingers wrap around her upper arm and jerk her back.

"Jesus, Levi! What the fuck?" Reagan spun to face her friend. Levi frowned down at her.

"What the hell, Reagan? Why are you so mad?"

"All I wanted was a nice weekend away with my friends, drinking and reliving my college days. I didn't sign up for this shit! How the hell do I always manage to be pegged with the shitty job of patching things up between the two of you." Somewhere during the middle of her tirade, Levi steered Reagan towards a vacant corner of the small bar. Only a few students occupied tables here and the music was slightly less deafening. He finally turned to her, his arm dropping to his side, and Reagan was stopped in her tracks by the look on his face. Levi looked sad. Reagan could count the number of times she had seen Levi like this on one hand and at the sight of him, her angry words died on her lips.

"Lev... Ack. Cather thinks that you're going to break up with her over this stupid grad school thing. She spent the entire night watching you talk with other girls while thinking that a break up with inevitable and impending. So, naturally Cath is Cath and she split. She's probably back at your place having some ridiculous Kanye dance party lest she have a complete and total mental breakdown. So, I need you to go - now. Go home to her, tell her how much you love her, and we can put this all behind us. In fact, if you can bring her back here in a timely fashion, I may even buy us a round of drinks," Reagan glanced up at Levi and cocked an eyebrow. "What? Why do you still look like someone just killed a litter of kittens?"

"I just - I don't know. I don't know what I'm even supposed to say to her, Reagan."

"Why are you suddenly acting like you haven't been dating for the past few years? You know Cath. You know what you need to say to make things better for her."

"Yeah, I know. I know. It's just that things won't be better, Reagan. Cath will be moving to New York. That's really far away and for a long time. God, we've barely spent a month apart. She'll be gone for at least two years." Levi folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the wall. Reagan narrowed her eyes at him.

"Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you help Cath with her applications?"

"Yeah... So?"

"And you knew that Sarah Lawrence was her first choice. Her dream school. Right?"

"Yeah."

"And you encouraged her to go for it?"

"Of course, I did. I want what's best for Cath. I want her to be happy."

Reagan stared at Levi, perplexed. "Okay, clearly I'm missing something here. Your girlfriend, whom you love, gets accepted into the grad program of her dreams. You were her number one cheerleader throughout the entire application process. And now you're... what? Realizing where the school is? You did know where Sarah Lawrence was when she applied, right?"

"Yeah, Reagan. I'm not a moron."

"Right, yeah. I know that I've been out of college for a while so maybe my brain cells are dying off slowly, so you're going to have to help me connect the dots here. What am I missing?"

Levi shrugged and sighed. "I'm freaking out, okay? I'm allowed to freak out. Cath is fantastic and great and now she'll be in a school that recognizes it. She'll be surrounded by people who are as smart as her in an exciting new city and, I don't know. Maybe she'll realize that I'm not good enough for her."

"Hey, Levi," Reagan said, reaching out and placing a hand on Levi's arm. "We both know that's not going to happen. I can totally get where you're coming from and I'm sorry that you're scared. But seriously, if you ruin this because of your own insecurities, you're going to be even more miserable than you are right now. Go home. Talk to Cather. For God's sake, convince her that you're not going to break up with her." Reagan smiled at Levi and gave him an encouraging nudge towards the door. "Scoot."

"No, Reagan, you don't get it. I am going to break up with her. It's just the right thing to do."


	4. Chapter 4

Cather opened the door to their room and looked around, taking in how what was once independently her life and Levi's how somehow merged into one. His clothing from yesterday was draped over a chair that once belonged to her and now it was… theirs? How did two separate lives become one so seamlessly in the span of a few short years? Cath sighed and unwrapped the scarf from around her neck, making her way into the bedroom. She plopped down onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling.

Reagan was right – she _had _to be right. Levi was in love with her and the past three years had done nothing but bring them closer together as a couple. Levi's presence in her life had become foundational… as rock solid as Wren's role and nearly as important. No, she was being ridiculous. Levi had done nothing but cheer her on, steer her steadily towards her graduate school goal. He'd never have encouraged her if he wasn't behind her completely… would he?

"Blergh," Cath sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. No matter the amount of times she walked herself through this nor the amount of flawless logic that she employed, she simply could not shake herself of an impending sense of dread that had begun creeping in the periphery since the day she received her acceptance letter. Something was up – she just _knew _it.

"Talking to yourself again?" Levi's voice crashed through Cath's inner dialogue and she yelped in response, sitting straight up. Levi was leaning against the doorframe, his long arms folded into one another and a look of… what? A look of weariness on his face. "I thought that went away once the Simon/Baz craze was over."

Cath snorted humorlessly. "Craze? It's a lifestyle." How Levi could joke when she felt as though her entire world was imploding was beyond her. Levi smirked and shifted his weight from the doorframe. He began making his way towards her slowly. Every single step was agony. "Levi? Okay, you've gotta know – I'm going crazy here. Reagan told me that I was insane but I just feel like something is wrong. Between us. And I know that maybe I'm just having a freak out about Sarah Lawrence and that in reality, I'm subconsciously projecting it onto you but you have to help me here. Just… just tell me that it's going to be okay."

Levi reached their bed and sat down, leaning his shoulder slightly into Cath's body. He grabbed her right hand and spread her fingers open so that her palm faced up. Slowly, he began to trace the lines of her palm – sending shivers racing up her arm and throughout her body. Cath stared at Levi's face, willing him to say anything to alleviate the agony that she felt but he merely stared down at her hand. His face was completely blank and his silence was nearly unbearable.

"Levi?" Cath whispered. "Please say something."

Levi pulled Cath's hand up to his face and softly kissed her palm.

"Cather, I love you," he said, placing her hand back in to her lap. Levi folded his long fingers into one another, and leaned his forearms on his knees, hunching over slightly. Cath frowned and glanced at him. She opened her mouth to respond but Levi shook his head almost imperceptibly, silencing her.

"I love you. I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. My feelings for you? I don't know. They're crazy, and intense, and… and huge. And at first, it scared me how I felt. Because I have never felt this way before, Cather. Never. And somehow, you felt something back for me too. You-"

"I love you too, Levi. I-"

"Cath, I'm sorry but I need to get this out. Just let me… just let me say it, okay?" Levi continued to stare intently at the floor. The muscles in his jaw began to clench and Cath noticed the color creeping into his cheeks. "I never thought that in a hundred years I'd have someone as amazing as you to love me back. You're so god damn smart, Cath. You're smart and you're so fucking talented. But for some reason, you saw something in me despite the fact that I am _nothing _compared to you."

Levi looked up and turned to face Cath.

"You're going to be amazing in New York. I have no doubt in that. But I… I… _Fuck_." Levi jumped up off of the bed and began pacing around their small room. Cath watched him silently, struggling to keep her tears at bay. She knew where this was going. The minute that Cath saw Levi's face after announcing that she'd been accepted – she knew how this was going to go.

Reagan had been _wrong_.

"Fuck," Levi growled, pushing his fingers violently through his hair. "I won't be the thing to hold you back, okay? God damn this. You're going to be with people who are smart like you and who share the same talents that you do. You'll be in a new city that is a thousand times more exciting than this shit hole. And God, I won't be the thing that holds you back."

"What exactly are you saying, Levi?" Cath said through clenched teeth. Levi turned towards her, his tall frame towering over her as she sat still on their bed.

"What am I saying? You're really going to make me say it out loud then?" Levi demanded. Cath jumped up off of the bed and closed the distance between them. Her sadness and anxiety had evaporated and now? Now she was just mad. All of her fears regarding a break up and her preemptive grief over the loss of Levi vanished in the wake of the blinding rage that she felt in this very moment.

"You're God damn right I'm going to make you say it, Levi! You cheer me on for _months_ towards this goal of going away to an amazing graduate school. You _promised _that you'd be there for me. And what? Now that the reality of the situation is finally here, you freak out? You decide that you don't want to wait it out? What the _fuck,_ Levi?" Cath practically screeched.

"I'm doing this for you," Levi yelled. Cath blanched and stumbled back a few steps. Never in their three years together had Levi so much as raised his voice _around _her – let alone at her. "For you! It's inevitable, Cather! This would have been the natural progression of our relationship. You go off, surround yourself with smart people, and realize that you've been with a fucking idiot this entire time. I'm saving both of us the agony of a drawn out break up!"

Levi stopped himself and drew in a deep breath. Cath continued staring at him, simultaneously shocked at his outburst and suddenly numb towards the entire situation. Levi took a step towards her and reached out, his hand brushing lightly against her arm. Cath jumped.

"No. Get out," she said, stepping away from Levi's outstretched hand.

"Cather-"

"No! Maybe you didn't hear me: Get. Out." Cath side stepped Levi and made her way to their closet, yanking the doors aside. She grabbed the first bag that she saw – her backpack – and began furiously pulling Levi's shirts off of their hangers and stuffing them into the bag.

"Cath, don't be like this. We need to talk. Please stop-"

"Talk? No. _You've _talked enough. In fact, you seem to have figured this whole thing out." Cath turned towards him and shoved the backpack into his chest. "It's over. I get it. Now that we're broken up, we don't live together anymore. Get out."

"Cather, please," Levi said, his voice beginning to shake.

"Get out, Levi," Cath said again, her voice raising.

"No, wait, please. I've made a mis-"

"Out! Get out!" Cath squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the sound of Levi pleading with her. "Out, get the hell out," she yelled, repeating herself until she heard the unmistakable sounds of Levi's footsteps and the sudden silence that crashed down around her.

After a moment, Cath finally opened her eyes and took stock of her bedroom. A mess of clothing hangers lay scattered on the floor of her closet, as well as the few forgotten t-shirts that escaped her tirade. Levi was nowhere to be seen and Cath was positive he was no longer in their house. A small sob escaped her and instantly, she felt sick to her stomach.


End file.
